With so many people moving around you, whether they're dancing or playing football, you can't help but feel it. Their presence. I smiled as the warmth reached me and looked over at Faith's distracted face.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I scanned the crowd for anyone I knew.

"I'm never gonna see him again." I let that sink in and we walked on in silence for a while.

"No, you're not." I said, deciding she wouldn't appreciate sugarcoating at all.

"You could have sugarcoated that a bit." Never mind, I was mistaken. "It's scary, you know?"

I nodded and couldn't think of anything to say. But I stayed true to my philosophy and decided to say something instead of leaving dead air in the conversation.

"What more did you have to say to him?" She thought about that one for a moment, and shrugged.

"No, but its still sad." I nodded and we continued to walk through the party. Faith caught a Nerf ball before it hit me in the head and threw it back expertly.

"Nice arm."

"Is that the only part of my body you're gonna compliment?" she said with a smirk. I laughed and gave her a glance again. She was pretty, and under any other circumstances, I'd be hitting on her. But it all seemed kind of futile now. "Robby, have you ever been in love?"

"Yes I have." I said with little hesitation. "You?"

"I don't think so."

"If you don't know, then you weren't."

"Then I suppose I wasn't. Out of curiosity, who were you in love with?"

I scanned the crowd once more and smiled.

"Here, I'll introduce you two." Still holding her hand, I walked over through the crowd and stopped at a jeep with its stereo blaring. I recognized a few faces from school and saw some others I'd seen around at parties and such, but one stuck out of the crowd.

"Hey Robby." she said. I smiled and introduced her to Faith. She introduced me to people who's name I forgot almost immediately.

"How've you been, Xanetta?" I asked. She looked beautiful with her designer clothes and dark eyes. She had the build of a model, the attitude of a cheerleader, and the ability to kick my ass. And she knew this. I smiled.

"Good. You?"

"Damned good." She looked at mine and Faith's entwined fingers and raised an eyebrow. I smiled and shook my head and she nodded in response.

"So, where do you hail from, Xanetta?" asked Faith with genuine interest.

"Here. As stereotypical as it may be, I have some family in Detroit."

"Why's that stereotypical?" I asked confused.

"That's where people think all the black people come from. Detroit." she answered me like I should've known. I looked over at Faith and she had that same look. I really need to learn when to keep my thoughts to myself. "And where are you from, Faith?"

"I trace my origins back to Colorado, actually."

"You're from California, right Robby?"

"Yup. Martinez, California." I said. "Hey, we were going to go meet Nick. You wanna tag along?"

"Yeah, jus' give me a minute." I nodded, and me and Faith walked a few yards away to let Xanetta make her farewells. It looked like it would be a while, but who could blame her. In times like these, goodbyes werent an affair to be rushed.

"She seems nice." said Faith with a voice that gave no indication of its true meaning.

"Do you mean nice as in 'wow, shes an interesting girl' or 'damn, shes bland?'" I asked with a smirk.

"I mean it as in, 'damn, this guy could've found a better girl to fall in love with.'"

"I sense some jealousy."

"No, she just seems.... cold."

"Well, at times-"

"And she seems like a bitch."

"Well, she could be-"

"And did she hurt you when it ended?" I looked over at her with a fixed jaw. She stared back and raised her eyebrows challengingly.

"Yes she did. Yes, she can be cold. Yes, shes been known to be a bitch." I said decisively. "I can name a dozen other faults you couldnt begin to think of, and each one would be true. But I couldnt begin to tell you everything, all the little things that made putting up with those faults worth it. I dont have the time to list all of her qualities and I dont think youll listen through all her good traits."

I waited a moment for her to reply and when I was satisfied she wasnt going to, I turned towards the bonfire.

"Besides, she helped make me what I am. That alone makes up for all her downfalls."

"I didnt realize you felt that way about her. I didnt know you werent over her."

"I am over her."

"No, youre not."

"Yes, I am." I answered resolutely. "I mean, you dont ever forget the first, but Im as over her as Im gonna get."

"Youd go back to her in a heartbeat."

"No... I dont think I would. Well, I might, but Id debate over it and hesitate and mull over it for days and... no, I wouldnt go back with her."

"And why not?"

"Because I like what shes become to me. I like her being a memory that I can look back at and smile. I like how the good times are immortalized in my head now, and nothing will ever dilute that. Will make it impure."

"Are you trying to convince me or you?" I stared at her dumbly for a moment and took a deep breath.

"Both of us, I guess." I said with a weak laugh. She nodded and I stayed queit since I couldnt think of anything else to say. A few times some words would come to mind, but halfway out of my throat, theyd choke themselves in nonsense and Id shut my mouth.

"Wait here, okay? Im gonna go say hi to some people." said Faith as she let go of my hand and walked off to a crowd of people twenty some feet away. I watched her go for a while and turned to see Xanetta standing there. She gave me a knowing smile and I looked down at the ground embarrassed.

"Did you mean all that?" I nodded and she didnt say anything in response. We had an odd relationship, me and her. I looked up at her and she was smiling. But like everything with her, I couldnt decipher its meaning and gave up before too long.

"Dont let it get to your head." I said with a raised eyebrow and she raised hers in reply.

"Oh, Ill try not to. Something like that would likely make my mind overload. I dont think I can live with such knowledge-"

"Okay, I get it. Damn." I said acting serious for a moment, but losing it soon and smiling. "Xanetta, what would you have done if you would have had time to?"

"Id probably do what Id already done. I didnt see a reason to change since everything was nice, and I still dont." she answered honestly.

"Indeed." I said scratching my chin. Someone waving caught my eye and after squinting a bit, I grinned and waved back.

"Who're you waving at?"

"Steph. It's this one girl I know."

"From?"

"Actually, church."

"You go to church?"

"I get lost every now and then."

"And you go to get on the path of righteousness?" she said with a smirk.

"No, I mean I get lost in my neighborhood. I just found the parish one day." she laughed and right then Steph came up with another guy. He was tall, lanky, and trendy, what with his coke bottle frames and all. He wore a Texas belt buckle that looked like it was in proportion to the state and faded jeans that probably cost more than my wardrobe. If the world was ending, go out in style I suppose.

"Hey, Chief." she said. I smiled and introduced her to Xanetta.

"I'm Me." said her tall friend. Me and Xanetta stared at him for a bit and he smiled and explained. "My name is Me. Its short for Merrill."

"Cool nickname, I must say." I said as I shook his hand. He had a firm grip, but there was something about him. I couldn't put my finger on it, so I pushed it out of my mind.

"So, they call you Chief?"

"Nah, just Steph. You can call me Robby." He nodded and Xanetta offered her hand. They shook and right then Faith came back.

"Oh, hello." said Faith to Steph and Me.

"Oh, this is Faith. Faith, meet Steph and Me." She looked at me confused but shook both their hands anyway, saying things like "hey" or "nice to meet you."

"You?"

"No, me." said Me. She looked at him confused and he explained about his name. She nodded and smiled after she got it and the conversation moved on.

"So, we were going to catch the races. You wanna come?" asked Steph.

"What races?" I asked scanning the horizons.

"They're beyond a ravine farther on that way. You can't see it from here, but rest assured that there are races and we shall find them." explained Steph as she took her glasses, folded them, and tucked them into her coat pocket.

"Then, let's go." I pointed in the general direction of the races, and we went. We passed some people we knew and the bonfires here and there and the second band that was playing. They seemed alright from the bit of music I heard. We reached the other side of the ring of cars and walked out a bit more until our eyes needed to adjust to the darkness. Just outside the ring of light given by the fire, we walked a few hundred feet more and found a group of people shoulder to shoulder.

They were all looking down into the ravine where two sets of headlights glowed in the night and road flares lined the road for a quarter of a mile.

And it was right then they took off. Neck to neck, they outran the cloud of dust that followed, but just barely. The dust pervaded everything and soon I was covered in it. I coughed a few times, and turned just in time to see the car on the right take the lead and pass the finish line. I couldn't actually see the finish line, but the red brake lights told everyone the race was over. Some people had flashlights and a few shined on the victor and I gave a proud smile.

"Hey Oscar!" I called. He didn't hear me at first, so I surfed down the wall of the ravine and ran over. "Oscar!"

"Robby!" he called. I shook his hand and congratulated him. "Thanks man. You seen Ray?"

"Actually, no. He's here?"

"Yeah, I gave them a ride before I was challenged to this race." he said as he stared into the darkness. My eyes had adjusted to the shadows by this point and I could see Oscar's Orange Celica against the souped up Eclipse. Apparently, it wasn't souped up enough to win but the engine was smoking a bit. "Probably listening to one of those bands."

"Yeah." I couldn't see a way out, and Oscar led me to some steps that were more footholds eroded into the soil than stairs. I led him over to the group I had just left and introduced everyone. He displayed the same confusion at Me's name and he had to explain it once more.

"So, where were you headed to after the race?" asked Me as he leaned on Steph's shoulder.

"I really jus' planned on wandering around." Oscar looked Faith over and smiled. I gave him a raised eyebrow and he shrugged in response. "I did want to go check out that DJ. Who's with me?"

"I'm in." said Me without hesitation. Xanetta said yes a moment later and Steph shook her head.

"You in, Faith?" she shook her head and Oscar gave her his patented puppy dog face. She looked at me and I grinned in response.

"Yeah, I'll go."

"Cool." said Oscar as he clapped his hands together and rubbed. They all began to walk off after Faith and Xanetta hugged me and Me and Oscar shook my hand. Steph and I stood there for a bit and watched them get lost in the crowd.

"So, where we off to Chief?"

"I dunno, lovely. Where dya wanna go?" I said with a grin as we started to walk off. I was glad she came. Out of all the people I've met, and all the people that mattered, she was undoubtedly one of the most interesting. She just had an aura about her I suppose.

"Lovely?"

"Jus' trying out nicknames." I said. She laughed and shrugged.

"Keep trying."

"How 'bout Snuggles?"

"Like the bear?"

"Um... yes?" she shook her head and I pretended to concentrate.

"Chicklet?"

"No."

"Smokey McPot?"

"No."

"How 'bout Sad Eyes?" she laughed and turned to look at me.

"How 'bout Steph?"

"Alright, fair enough." I smiled and she hooked her arm through mine as I stuffed my hands in my pockets. The night was warm, partly due to the fires and partly to the pulsing bodies, and everything just seemed nice. I couldn't stop smiling.

"Robby, what do you think heaven will be like?" I thought about the question for a bit and sighed before answering.

"I don't know if i believe in heaven."

"Whaddya mean?"

"I don't know if I believe in heaven."

"But you believe in God?"

"Yes."

"Don't you think he lives somewhere?" she said jokingly. I laughed and shrugged.

"God's everywhere. He doesn't need to have a base of operations."

"So... what do you think happens when we die?"

"I don't know. There's no way to know. But I don't know if I believe in a place on the clouds where I'm gonna go and spend some time with my great grand pappy." I looked over at her and saw her mulling over my viewpoint. "Maybe there is a heaven, but not in the traditional sense. Maybe its... maybe its a feeling that you have permanently when you die. Heaven is a feeling of bliss and on that note, hell is a feeling of hopelessness or pain."

"Could be." she said.

We had stumbled into a crowd and we both looked forward at the spectacle. Unknowingly, we had reached the stage Faith and I had seen and the band sat down on their amps as a man walked up to the microphone.

He had his hair shaved almost bald and wore a dirty tank top and some baggy pants sagged well past his waist. The firelight shone off his military belt buckle and his thick skater shoes slapped the planks of the makeshift stage as he walked. He stood before the mic. The crowd hushed.

"I came home today with the intention to die.

I'm sure you all know how I felt.

Because I felt cold and the air, was damned stale and bare,

and the sun had begun to melt." He talked like he had too much gum in his mouth. I raised my chin in interest and waited for him to go on. He paused a moment and continued.

"Do you know what it's like?

I mean, do you really?

To so want to die,

and kill all the feelings.

I was always so strong," He emphasized this with sarcasm.

"And always so smart.

Damn right I was strong! I'm never wrong!

But oh, don't you agree life is hard?" I looked over at Steph and she was engrossed in his words. The poem itself wasn't that great, but there was a flare about him. The anger. That was it. That's what gave his words meaning.

"I came here to tell you, you beautiful people,

That I was always one to drink bleach, gargle and spit.

I went home with the intent to put a bullet in my mouth." He spit something out of his mouth and hit the stage with a metallic echo. Someone in the front picked it up and held it above his head. It was a bullet.

"And I did. And there it is."

He walked off stage and the crowd stayed silent. The band came up to play and someone pulled out a violin on stage. It was electric to my surprise and they plugged into a the amp the guitarist was using as the drums spit out a basic beat. Everyone jumped in and produced an alright melody. I liked it.

Steph pulled my hand and dragged me out of the crowd. We kept walking in silence and I just let her think her thoughts. I couldn't believe how good I had it. A gorgeous night which I spent with gorgeous people with good music and a simple feeling of euphoria. I couldn't stop smiling for the life of me.

The phone in my pocket rang and I clumsily opened it up and answered. Nick's voice spoke over the line in that distorted way that comes from cell phones.

"Hey man, where are you?"

"We jus' left the stage where you guys are around. Where are you?"

"Right behind you." I turned around and jumped in shock. "Hey."

"God damn it, Nick!" I said as I hung up the phone and threw it at him. He picked it up laughing and Steph soon surrendered to the giggles. I stood there embarrassed but smirked anyway. The laughter was contagious and I joined in with a chuckle. "You guys suck."

"Yeah, I know. Hey, listen. Guess who's back at the campfire with us?"

"Cher."

"Um... no. Ray. Him and Liz saw us here and started hanging out. Oscar went to race."

"Yeah, I know. We saw him."

"You and?" he said looking at Steph, waiting for a name. I introduced them and they shook hands before returning to conversation.

"Did he win?"

"Oh, most definitely." said Steph. Nick nodded with a smile and we started walking back to the campfire. "Bad, too. The other car's engine was smoking. Probably blew a gasket."

Nick and I knew next to nothing about cars, so we let that conversation die. I caught sight of the group around a campfire and asked Nick for his cell phone. After calling Xanetta's phone and telling them where to meet us, I sat down next to Ray. Steph sat on the other side and Nick sat by Angeline across from us.

The mood was dire here. I sat down relaxed but it seemed the clock was ticking away. It hit me then that my time with these people was limited. Hard. I had always known it was limited. Ties would be severed, whether it be by graduation, death, or disagreements, but this was different. This was in-your-face reality. This was fate breathing down your neck.

I looked over at Ray and blinked back a tear with a smile. No one had spoken a word and everything was choked in silence. Finally, Ray opened up his mouth to speak.