I made my way into one of the clubs bordering the streets. It wasn't Club Rapture since it was impossible to get through the crowd around its entrance, but this club was packed. From wall to wall danced beautiful people. I raised an eyebrow and proceeded. Beautiful people scared me.

Through the initial throng and to a break on the floor. It didn't last long since the bodies pulsed towards me again, but I had a moment to decide where I wanted to go. The bar was to my right and an open table to the left. I was pretty sure they weren't carding for the bar, but I took the table anyways.

A quick glance around the club showed a few faces I knew. Lorenzo and Miranda danced over there. I thought I saw Jonathan and Omar, but I couldn't tell because right then they turned on the strobe light and I watched my very own picture show. The club seemed to move in jerky movements and everyone on the dance floor looked like they were dancing the robot.

I sat back in the booth against the wall and glanced at the door. I concentrated on a couple entering through the crowded doorway because the girl in front was dancing since the street and the guy behind her produced numerous glow sticks. We waved them around expertly and in the strobe light, he seemed to be locked into numerous positions, but the glow sticks never stopped.

The whole club was electric. People fell victim to the beat and pulsed to it rhythmically. I was the only one sitting at a table and a couple came by, the guy holding the girl and sitting her on my table. They continued to grind into each other until it bordered on porn, and I laughed and looked past them towards the doorway just as Nick walked in. You couldn't miss his height and he scanned the crowd for any sign of me. Well, I think he was looking for me.

I slid past the couple who didn't notice and made my way through the crowd and made it to Nick.

"Hey man."

"Hey." I said. "Let's get out of here. There's a bar next door."

"We're 17."

"Its the end of everything. I don't think they'll care."

Nick didn't respond but just followed me out of the club and to the bar. I sensed he didn't take the end of the world as well as I was, but I didn't feel it right to apologize. We pushed our way through the crowd outside and decided the bar was too crowded when we got there. We continued on and turned a corner. Here the crowd thinned just enough that we didn't have to swim, but it was still deafening. Anything I had to say to Nick I had to motion him down and whisper into his ear.

"Where's Angeline?"

"She went to find Meagan. We both have cells, so it shouldn't be too hard to find each other." I nodded and we finally saw a bar that looked nicely populated but not overly full. We made our way to it and let people swarm around us. "Robby, I'm worried."

"About?"

"I don't have anything to worry about." I laughed and waited for him to continue. He didn't, so I prodded it.

"What do you mean?"

"Homework's not important, all the images and impressions I concerned myself with, and... its just not important." He said in such a way that a sigh would have been fitting.

"Is that so bad?" I asked.

He looked at me like I should've known the answer to that question already. We reached the double doors to the bar and entered noise that was just as loud as outside. I filtered the ambient noise out and waited for Nick to answer, but he never did. So I made my way to the bar and took a stool. Nick sat beside me and I ordered a beer. They didn't card at all and he slid me a Corona. I shrugged and sipped it and ordered one for Nick. Nick cradled it, but sipped sparingly.

I turned around just to see a bar fight erupt and be suppressed violently by the six or so bouncers. I shuddered at the brutality of the bouncers' efficiency, but turned around and finished off my beer. Nick was half way through his and I ordered another one.

"Hey Robby." it took a moment to register the voice wasn't Nick's, and I turned my head to the left to see the speaker. The face immediately clicked but the name was elusive for a bit before it emerged to my conscious.

"Ha! If it isn't Hope! How're you?" I said smiling. She grinned back and shrugged.

"Good, I suppose. Who's your friend?"

"Oh, terribly sorry. This is Nick. Nick, Hope." They waved at each other and I continued catching up with her. "I haven't seen you in... wow. Three years now?"

"Four."

"I thought you lived in Germany?"

"I did till about a year ago and I've been going to El Paso High." I nodded and sipped my beer. She had a martini and I laughed.

"What?"

"No one orders martinis anymore. Unless you're in New York and the noise in the bar can be called a low roar, martinis are simply out of place."

"And what do you suggest I order?" she asked. Nick answered for me with an ingenious solution.

"Bartender, three shots of Tequila!" yelled Nick over the din of the pub. They were there in no time and we each took ours with little hesitation. Mine burnt going down and I scowled accordingly. Nick wheezed a little and then laughed it off. Hope took hers with the straightest liquor face I'd ever seen.

An hour and some irrelevant conversation later, we hit a topic that was worth talking about. By this point I had a good buzz and Nick was a bit tipsy. I was pretty sure but I wouldn't bet on it, but I think Hope was drunk. And with these states of mind, we hit the subject of love.

"It doesn't exist." proclaimed Hope. I stared at her dumbly and Nick began to argue.

"What do you mean? I love Angeline."

"It's lust. The hormones fool you into thinkin-"

"Screw you. Listen, love has to exist. Without it nothing would matter. It wouldn't be important at all and nothing would-"

"Screw me? Screw you! Listen, its not my problem you're too blind to see she's not gonna care about you in a year or two."

"Listen, Hope. That's kinda harsh." I said as I finished off my bottle. I'd lost count of which one I was on already. "If anyone is in love, its Nick and Angeline. Its authentic."

"You're not a good judge." I stared at her not believing she was playing this card. Nick had no idea what was going on and stayed silent. "You thought I loved you."

"A stupid mistake. It won't happen again."

"With me?"

"With anyone." I ordered another beer even though my stomach was about to rebel against me.

"Did I make you bitter?" she asked with a smirk.

"Seems to me there's no reason to be bitter." said an unidentified voice from behind us. A man in one of those hats that Crocodile Dundee would've worn ordered a beer over my shoulder and continued on. "Listen, love is good while it lasts, even if it isn't love," he shot a glance at Hope, "but its never to be regretted. If you had the feeling, there was a reason for it, and that shouldn't be forgotten if it ends tragically."

And with that, Dundee got his beer and walked off. I looked at Hope and saw her contemplating what he'd said. Nick was quiet as well, and I sipped my beer.

"Do you regret anything, Robby?" asked Hope.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? At all? You don't regret getting dumped or me making you look stupid that one time at the mall?" asked Hope incredulously. I shook my head and smiled.

"You don't regret Mila cheating on you?" asked Nick.

"Well, I can't really change that, now can I?" I asked. "It wasn't my fault she did, so I can't regret it. But you forget that because of that, I met Lily."

"Who went on to cheat on you with Shane."

"But then I actually met her good friend Gia."

"What happened there?" asked Hope.

"She went with Shane." I said thoughtfully.

"I'm beginning to see a pattern here." said Hope with a giggle.

"Screw you." I smiled and watched her finish off her bottle.

"So you're saying you wouldn't change a thing?" asked Nick bringing us back to the point at hand.

"Nope. It all turned out for the best."

"How can you say that? Its the end of the world! You're loved ones, your life... everything- everything is ending." argued Hope. I shrugged and stared forward as I sipped my bottle.

"I've led a good life. I've met some good people and made most of 'em laugh. I've done almost everything I wanted to. I'm happy with what I've done." I said simply.

"But its all gonna be gone soon!"

"Then enjoy it while it lasts." I said as I wiped off my last beer. The bartender was about to open up another for me but I waved him away.

"A hopeless optimist." sneered Hope. I laughed and looked over at Nick. He was lost in his own thoughts, so I turned back to Hope.

"What problem do you have with life?"

"It's screwed me over so many times, I can't see how you can say its beautiful." I sighed and leaned my head on my hand to look at her better. She was beautiful with her brown hair that fell past her shoulders and her grey eyes. She had a perfect smile and her sarcastic manner gave her some spunk.

"The reason I can say its beautiful is because it is. Youre here, with me, and Nick in a bar drinking and talking calmly while Armageddon is on the horizon, and theres a huge party going on outside and theres Dundee to give us advice. Life is good. Speaking of, where is Dundee?"

"Right here, guy." he said as he motioned for two beers over Hope and I. I smiled smugly and waited for his advice. We didnt have to wait long. Life is beautiful. "Lovely, if it wasnt beautiful, why would you care if you were losing it?"

He waited a moment and when he was satisfied she was speechless, he continued. "Listen, everything is going to end. We all knew this from the very beginning but no one really accepted it. And now, its here and we all acted surprised in the beginning. And now weve settled in a certain acceptance of it. Its calm now. Everyones realized theyre goin to lose this. And instead of crying and cursing, theyre appreciating it for the first time in their lives. What do you love, lovely?"

He got the two beers he ordered, nodded at the bartender and left us with those words of wisdom. I smiled at Hope and she flipped me off as she turned forwards to finish her beer. I glanced back at Dundee and saw him hand the beer to a supermodel looking women, tall and slender. He caught my eye and winked and I smiled back.

"Well, what do you love?" I inquired. I thought she hadn't heard me or was lost in her world so I was about to ask again, but she answered me before too long.

"I love it how," she sighed. "I love it how things feel good."

I smiled and raised an eyebrow.

"Like love you mean?"

"Like sex."

"Ah, the three letter word. That's what you love?" She nodded. I shrugged.

"Don't act like you don't. I think I'm gonna miss that most when I go."

"You're hopeless, you know that?" I said with a laugh. "The world's ending, and all you can think about is getting laid?"

"Yes." she said quietly. She turned to smile at me. "You want to?"

The bar noise seemed to quiet and I cocked my head to think about it. Such a sudden offer. So unexpected and the thought of it made my heart skip a beat. The world was ending. I had some drinks in my system and the loud bassful music outside went to the beat of my heart. The vibrant energy was thick in the air, and her perfume smelled so nice.

I just really wanted to get laid.

I left Nick there and took his cell phone to call him on Angeline's later. Dundee waved us off and I smiled at him. Me and Hope stumbled out of the bar clumsily and walked down the side walk looking for her car. The street was still crowded and the music still loud. The party wasn't going to die for awhile.

And she grabbed me and she kissed me. We never made it to the car since she dragged me into an alley. I remember being pushed against a wall with her powerful kisses enveloping my lips. I don't remember anyone else after that. The crowd was gone, the music silent. She was so beautiful. So hot. I daydreamed about girls like her. I thought about girls like her on lonely nights. I wanted girls like her everyday.

Her breath tasted like stale alcohol. Her kisses were sloppy and didn't possess the grace they once had. There was no love there, no affection. Primal wanting, sure, but nothing aimed at me. I was just a bystander.

I suddenly felt disgusting. What was I doing? A plethora of bad feelings descended on me, and I kissed her through this. This battle with my guilt and malignant thoughts.

I felt like such a hypocrite. I had told Fred and them I didn't want to see the world with a distorted perspective, and then I go and drink. I felt dirty with Hope groping on me in a dark alley way. I felt low and depressed and lonely and ugly. But I felt wanted.

I don't know why I didn't want to. She was drunk? But I had kissed drunk girls before. I was drunk, too. I couldn't use that as an excuse without accusing myself of suddenly growing morals where once this wasn't an issue. I didn't have anyone else in mind. I wouldn't care what Nick or Ray would say if I told them about this. I wouldn't usually think there was anything wrong with it. Neither would they. They'd probably ask if she was drunk, then I'd tell them she came onto me. And that'd be that.

But I didn't want to.

She snaked her hand down my pants and touched. I let out a moan of pleasure and a mental siren to stop this. But hormones beats out sense and I let it go on. She smiled and kissed my neck.

"You like that, huh?"

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop." I said louder. She did but still stayed close. "I can't."

"You can't? What do you mean you can't?"

"I can't. It doesn't feel right."

"Don't go getting all moral on me, asshole."

"Hey, no need to be all mean about it."

"You're such a faggot! You don't wanna have sex?"

"No, I don't. God, don't be mad." By this point she had pushed away and was glaring at me.

"Why don't you want to?"

"I don't know."

"You think I'm ugly?"

"No, you're beautiful."

"Then?"

"Maybe that's it."

"What?"

"Maybe that's it. I... I don't know. You're beautiful, but not just physically. You're worth more than this, Hope. You're worth more than some alley."

"Are you just spitting crap because you don't wanna have sex with me?"

"No, I'm trying to figure out why I don't want to. Hope, any other circumstances, I would in a heartbeat, but not now. Not like this."

She nodded and leaned against the other wall. With grace that only came from sobering up, she pulled out a cigarette and lit it expertly. Girls always look sexy with cigarettes, I noticed. She really was sexy. I smiled dryly realizing I had just passed her up.

"So, I'm so pretty, you don't want to touch me?"

"When you say it like that-"

"But its true. You just said, 'I'm so beautiful' you don't wanna have sex with me."

"Hope, stop it. Now." I said snappishly. She shut up and waited for me to go on. "You're trying to pick a fight and its not going to work. I'm sorry if you feel hurt or rejected, but you shouldn't. Listen, you wanna feel beautiful? There's a whole street of guys who would be more than thrilled to screw you. Go get one. Get one with a girlfriend. Challenge yourself. But you're better than that."

I let it sink in, and she just stared at me. It seemed years passed by in silence, and I continued.

"Hope, its all ending. Go spend it with someone who loves you."

"No one loves me."

"Bullshit. Go spend it with someone who loves you." she nodded, and took a puff of her cigarette. "I'm gonna go now, but trust me, you're beautiful."

"You're such a sap." she said. I smiled and stood there with my hands in my pocket.

"I hope you come to terms with everything, Psycho."

"I hope you come out of the closet, Fag." she replied with a smile. I laughed and started to walk away. Halfway down the alley, she called my name, and I turned around smiling.

"You are so gay, you know that? You turned me down." I laughed and flipped her off with a smile. She flashed her award winning grin at me and as she stood there, I realized how beautiful she was. She shone. She glowed. She radiated, for God's sake.

I knew this was the last time I would see her . There's something beautiful about these moments. The sorrow that makes your teeth itch. The wanting to hold on. The fear of letting go. The beauty of departing.

I turned to keep walking. Somehow, I knew she had no idea what to do next. Where to go. What to think. It was then I realized why girls never want to accept they were pretty. It was absolutely terrifying. Because then they didn't need any of this. I could only imagine not being dependent on compliments. Not needing to hear reaffirmations on your appearance. Independence is lonely.

Being and knowing your beautiful must suck.

***

I walked down the street with my hands in my coat pockets and the wind nipping at my face. A few sprinkles of rain made it to my skin, and I just buttoned up my jacket. I had come to the conclusion that the party was never going to die, and only a few people rested on tops of cars on benches. None of the faces looked familiar, and I suddenly felt alone. I leaned against the closest car and took a breath, trying to brush away the destructive thoughts.

Some tears stung my eyes, and I blinked them back. I leaned my head back and sighed. Looking up at the sky, I saw the stars staring down at me sadly. Sympathetic. I had the strangest poetic notion that the rain drops were their tears and I smiled, letting a few hit my cheek as I closed my eyes and relished it.

I needed to get out of here. I could call Oscar or Nick and meet them to get out of here, but I didn't get out the cell phone. Instead I glanced around and tried to open the car door behind me without turning around. It was unlocked and swung the door open and sat inside.

It was a nice car. Leather interior and warm, and I sat there for a moment to get the feel of the car. '68 Mustang, if I was correct. The red paint job was a nice touch and there was a nice sound system installed. No keys in the ignition though, but that wasn't a problem. I knew how to hot wire since my uncle's Nova's ignition had been busted and the only way to start it was to cross some wires.

It was then I noticed this guy running towards the car. With a few quick mental calculations, I found I couldn't hotwire it in time to escape. I got out of the car with the intention to run, but decided against it. It was the end of the world. Consequences weren't as scary now.

He was wearing a corduroy jacket and some boot cut jeans. Some blonde hair showed under his Old Navy hat and his shirt looked expensive. Not dressy, just nice. Casual.

"Jus' need to get some things my man." He edged past me and reached into the open door. In less than a minute, he had deftly collected a book, some pictures, and a CD case. He backed up and stared me in the eyes for a bit before smiling. "The name's Arthur. I'd shake you hand, but mine are kinda full."

I nodded not knowing what to say. I had just tried to rob this guys car, and he was introducing himself?

"Listen," he said as he tossed me the keys. I caught them and looked at him confused. "Have fun in Heaven."

With that he was gone. As he walked away, I couldn't help but thinking the world had finally gone crazy. I stood there dumbly with one hand on the open door and the other holding the keys. Have fun in Heaven? What did he mean by that?

I got into the car and shut the door with a quick breath. The leather interior added a nice touch and I put the key in the ignition without much grace. A quick turn kicked the engine to life and I shifted gears and released the emergency break. The crowd parted and I began to inch forward slowly. A glance all around me showed I had enough clearance to avoid running someone down, and as I turned my head back, intricate lettering caught my eye.

On the dashboard in stitched letters in gold thread was a single word. A name. I smiled and turned on the radio.

Heaven.

***

The crowd gradually ended and thinned out. I pulled out on a side road and drove through the shadows for a bit in Heaven. The sound system was beautiful and Arthur had left The Postal Service in the disc player. So I jammed to that and at one point I was so lost in my thoughts I barely had time to stop for a cat that ran in front of my newly acquired ride. It stood there for a minute dumbly then ran off into the garbage that was on either side of me. I sighed and moved on slowly.

I got out of the crowded labyrinth of downtown and continued through the sad looking buildings of lower income housing and past chain link fences that protected nothing. Concrete structures and asphalt escapes, my car seemed to be the only splash of color in the whole forlorn place.

I got on the highway and drove for a bit with The Postal Service gently caressing my ear. Some cars were resting here and there with no drivers in 'em and I just weaved around them. A few violent looking crashes were here and there, and an ambulance sped on the other side of the median to a crash somewhere beyond my sight. Some cars cruised slowly in front of me, but they all exited quickly and a few were driving behind me.

The desolation of the highway brought the harsh reality of Armageddon to light. A look in the mirror showed my lips pursed together tightly and my jaw set straight. I looked away from the serious image of myself and concentrated on the road.

A flash of purple caught my eye as my headlights focused on it for a moment. I slowed the car and pulled to the side as two SUV's passed by cautiously. A quick survey of the scene showed a few cars just abandoned and one rather close to the girl with its driver's door open. I turned off the engine and sat a bit to gather my thoughts before getting out of the car.

The sound of the door closing echoed in the still air and I ran my hand through my hair as I walked towards the girl. She stood on the edge of the bridge and something reflected the headlights back into my eyes. I glanced into the cars and saw the passenger side seatbelt and one in the backseat still fastened. I guessed grimly that the passengers never had the chance to unbuckle them and I turned back to the girl standing on the edge.

The wind took her blond hair a bit and the breeze died down till everything was still and in one graceful movement, she put the object to her head, and I gasped. The light caught it better and I froze where I stood, midstep. The gun shone beautifully in the yellow light and it did look pretty as it glow in the night.

"Stop!" my voice yelled as it tore itself from my throat. The gun didn't drop nor did she turn around when she answered.

"Get outta here." I didn't move and I clenched my teeth to stop them from chattering. She whirled around and yelled at me through the gentle air. She aimed the barrel at me and her voice made beads of sweat form on the back of my neck. "I said get out of here!"

I stood my ground, but I didn't know what it would get me. She stepped off of the edge and took a few steps towards me threateningly. My eyes kept flashing between her face and her weapon, the green of her eyes scarier than the gleam of her gun.

"Are you stupid? Slow? Do you not understand?" I stood there silent, the only sound my ragged breath. Everything suddenly seemed cold and she got within five feet of me. "Are you scared?"

"A little." I said truthfully.

"Then run." She said. I stayed perfectly still and she put the gun to my temple. Hard. "I said run!"

I flinched as the barrel dug into my face and her words stung my ears. A tear formed at my eye, but I blinked it away, unwilling to cry for her. She pushed once more, and took a step back, the barrel still aimed at my face.

"What do you want?" she asked. Her soft voice was short lived as she screamed again with just as much rage. "What are you willing to die for?"

"For you."

"You don't even know me. I don't think you realize what's happening here. Do you realize what a bullet will do to you? Do you?" I shook my head. "As soon as the hammer hits it, the piece of lead will fly out of this barrel in a spiral as it cuts through the air fast enough to break the sound barrier. By this point, its a molten mass of metal and it enters your body, in this case your face, and exits the back of your skull. It'll go in with a hole the size of, well, a marble. At point blank range, I think it'll probably leave an exit wound the size of a grape fruit. Do you realize now? Do you?!"

A tear rolled down my cheek and my lip was trembling. But I didn't sob. I nodded.

"And you're still here?" She lowered the gun a bit with an incredulous look on her face. "You're stupider than I thought. You are a god damned retard."

"No need to insult, now." I said with a trembling voice. "I'm still not leaving."

"Why not?"

"Because this is so stupid." I said. "So ironic."

A moment of silence, and then her voice. "Go on."

"The world's ending." I said. She raised an eyebrow and I realized that wasn't the best way to start. "Its all gonna be over soon. And you want to end it prematurely? We're almost done! How are you gonna run the whole race and stop at the finish line?"

"Because I don't have anyone to run with anymore!" She screamed back, not in rage but in pain. I glanced at the car involuntarily and then back at her as her tears rolled down her cheek.

"Who were they?" I asked gently.

"Renee was my best friend. Howie was my cousin." she said. "It was okay until they left."

I stood gripping my pant legs tightly, not knowing what to do with my hands. She turned around and put the gun up to her head once more.

"Please don't."

"Screw you." she replied. Her voice was oddly beautiful when she wasn't screaming. Soft, it was kinda soothing.

"Why give up now? Of all times, why now?"

"They're gone."

"And you can't go on without them? Or do you want to meet them?"

"You mean in Heaven?" she said with a cruel little laugh. "There is no heaven."

"There has to be." I said. She turned around a little and smiled a weak little smile.

"I know there's a God." she said.

"Why?"

"Because he can't screw me this much without existing." she said. The rage returned from nowhere and her face contorted with anger. "Do you hear that? I hate you! I hate you!"

She aimed into the sky and started to fire. Never had I heard such a sound, this thunder released from the squeeze of a trigger. I ducked in reflex and covered my ears.

"I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" the shots were less furious and she squeezed a few more off to emphasize her weaker words. "I hate you. I hate you so much..."

She trailed off into sobs and collapsed to the ground. She sat there in the ashes on her knees with tears running down her cheeks and a gun in her hand.

I sat down on the ground and took a breath as I stared at her in the dim glow of the headlights. The night's ambient noise became the soundtrack, and I just concentrated on that gun. After a few moments that seemed like hours, she looked up at me.

"Why are you still here?" I laughed and let it fade into a smile as I looked at her.

"Because I want to be." She nodded and pulled the clip out of the pistol. She dropped it in the dust defeated and smiled a sad smile. "I'm Robby."

"Faith." she answered. She sighed and looked up into the dark sky. The stars seemed brighter than they were a few moments ago and my headlights cast everything in a soft glow.

"So... how was your day?" she looked at me coldly, but couldn't hold the glare and bust into a soft giggle.

"It was... interesting." she replied. I smiled and looked around at the vacant and abandoned cars. "Hey, I don' wanna be here."

I nodded and got up. Offering my hand, I helped her up and we walked the few feet back to the car. We got to the passenger side door and I opened it with a bit of grace. She was about to get in but I put a hand on her shoulder and she stopped.

"Hey, do you wanna drive? I'm a bit buzzed." She smiled and looked over the car approvingly.

"It's a nice car."

"Yes it is." She nodded and ran around to the other side. I hopped in and popped in the Mae CD that I found laying on the console. My head was clearing up a bit, but all I wanted to do was lean back and fall asleep. My head felt like it was about to start throbbing at any moment, and I enjoyed the gentle melodies that flowed over the speakers.

I glanced over and saw her sip from a flask which she then put in a pocket hidden in her coat somewhere. I looked out the window right as she fishtailed out of there and sped on down the highway, weaving between the parked and abandoned cars.